the tuition teacher needs help..

HELP ! I NEED SOMEONE TO TEACH ME HOW TO TEACH TUITION!

One scorching sunny afternoon, I was having remidel in my school, when i open the door of my classroom, it was like a three ring circle.

Suddently, every body come to a still. They peep out of the window and saw a police car chasing two middle age men on a motorcycle. One of the man was holding a bag. Every body went to the fence to watch, the teacher was so terrified that she don't know what to do.

One of the police pull out his gun and shot the tire, so they crash to the school gate and explodatled so every body was shocked when the ambulance came, it was too late as they was burnt to death but at least the bag was save. The police open the bag and found out that there is alot of money in there so they suspected they were the ones who robbed the bank in seng kang.

This is an essay by my tuition kid. Oh Gosh, how am i supposed to teach her? U know wad my only consolation was? i asked her, "u sure got 150 words or not?" "有啦有啦！我有算，刚刚好！" hey, at least she can count up till 150.

That was monday, i taught her english. Den came thursday, i taught her maths.

the question went like this..

3x+2 = 2X - 5.. Find x.

'i dunnoe..'

'ok, u bring the x to the left, den u do'

'i dunno lei..'

'ok, we look @ the left side only, i want to remove the 3x, so i muz minus 3x from the equation rite?'

'ya..'

'so the other side must minus 3x also..'

'y?'

ARGH!

next question..

3הּ-1/2הּ = ?

'i dunno..'

'ey.. ok..u got 3 apple, u ate 1/2 an apple.. how mani apples do u have left?'

'2 and 1/2 lo!'

'ok so.. the answer for the question is?'

'i dunnoe lei..'

another question..

'this symbol , הּ, is called pie.'

'ok'

'ey..wad is the symbol called again?'

'pie'

'ok...' 10 seconds later..'i forget again!'

'never mind..its called pie, the pie as in chicken pie.'

'orrr..i know liao..'

the next time i did a maths question with a הּ symbol, she pronounced it as chicken pie and no matter how mani times i tell her its only pie, she still calls it chicken pie. Sigh. At least her target is only 210 for her PSLE this yr. God help me.